Tag Archives: ranting

Some clarification on what is offensive about yesterday’s brouhaha

Okay, before anyone comes at me with the old “it’s so-and-so’s site, she can review what she wants” battle cry, misrepresenting what are the issues with this entire debacle over female-bodied-sexuality in m/m romance, let me get a few things on record.

Yes, people can read what they want. They can review what they want. No one is debating their right to do so. That’s not the problem.

The problem is that it’s misleading to cast ones site as being inclusive when it’s not. Don’t pretend to be a champion of all folk under the rainbow when you’re actually just a fan of the peen.

The problem is that it’s hypocritical to QQ about discrimination and disrespect while being discriminatory and disrespectful. It’s hypocritical to take readers and writers to task for making the genre about “the erotic needs of straight women” while maintaining a policy intended to pander to the erotic needs of straight women.

The problem is that it’s disingenuous to claim the issue is about het sex when what you’re actually frequently talking about is male-bodied/female-bodied queer sex, which is not the same thing. Worse, it’s extremely offensive to mislabel male-bodied/female-bodied sex as “het” sex because in doing so, you’re deliberately and repeatedly misgendering trans* folk and committing erasure against bifolk, intersex folk, and any number of other people under the rainbow.

The problem is that the m/m genre is a hotbed of gynophobia and internalized misogyny by people who ought to fucking know better, and to further that problem while patting oneself on the back for being on a crusade for representation of under-represented peoples is absolutely absurd. And worse! It’s hypocritical to hop on the feminist platform rail about how badly female characters are presented in m/m romance with regard to characterization archetypes and tropes, while simultaneously perpetuating gynophobia and internalized misogyny with regard to the mere mention of certain anatomy and sexual situations.

The problem is that it’s absolutely infuriating to act as though female reproductive anatomy and female-bodied sexuality is so shocking and off-putting on-page that it requires the same sort of warning usually reserved for controversial and triggering subjects as rape and graphic violence and abuse.

The problem is the entitled attitude behind behaving as though authors have a moral and ethical obligation not only to write what you want to read, but to protect your delicate special-snowflake eyeballs from anything they might find objectionable. Do you think Stephen King included warnings for underaged sex and domestic violence in IT? Did V.C. Andrews (or her publisher) warn for incest and underaged sex and rape in Flowers in the Attic? They didn’t, at least not in any of the editions I’ve read. I don’t see anyone weeping big crocodile tears over the lack of warning labels there. Labels and warnings are a courtesy, not an entitlement. You are not owed them. When you pay for a book, you aren’t owed anything but pages with some text on them. that’s it. There are no guarantees you’ll like it. There aren’t even any guarantees it will be well-written (Dan Brown, I’m looking at YOU.) You’re not owed a book that is to your taste and specifications and has nothing within it that you don’t find objectionable and warnings if it has something you might. In fact, the use of warnings and labels is generally considered to be a form of censorship and to have a chilling effect on free speech, which is why there have been huge legal battles over warning labels and age restrictions on music and video games. You’re lucky to get them when you get them. So be grateful authors and publishers include them at all from time to time.

So. Read what you want. Review what you want. But don’t be hypocritical, offensive, or an entitled princess in the process.


Filed under Musings, Politics

A warning about fair warning

So today, a popular review site posted a predictable and very, very tired rant about girl parts in m/m romance. Over on my Tumblr, I responded with my own rant calling them out on trans*phobia, biphobia and internalized misogyny.

But what gets me more than anything else is the sense of entitlement. The entitlement of the audience to tell the artist what to create. The entitlement of the audience to claim disrespect and even discrimination for daring to create something some members of the audience might not want to see.

You know, in gaming circles, we get a fair number of rants on that nature, only they go like this:

Dude, the majority of the gaming audience is men and we don’t want to see games about chicks and fags, and omg! if you make a game featuring chicks and/or fags, or if you complain about misrepresentation of chicks or fags, you’re discriminating and oppressing TEH MENZ!

Sounds pretty absurd, doesn’t it? The rational and reasonable response would be “the majority of games feature and appeal to “teh menz” so you shouldn’t begrudge the small minority which represent and include woman and gay players. We would rightfully call the authors of such rants out on their rampant blindness to their own privilege, which allows them to perceive even the smallest step toward representational parity as discrimination and/or oppression.

The majority of m/m romance features dick and only dick, and I’m okay with that. I like that gay men are being portrayed as heroes in books. But don’t trans*folk and bifolk deserve portrayal as well? And how freaking absurd is it to claim that readers of m/m romance are being disrespected and oppressed by the portrayal and/or inclusion of these characters? And why should your trans*phobia, biphobia, and the internalized misogyny that makes you uncomfortable with the notion of female-bodied sexuality dictate who should and shouldn’t receive representation in a book?

Of course, the refrain, the one single attempt at rationality in the rant in question is that it’s about labeling and fair warning. That it’s fine to write those stories, just make sure to WARN the reader/reviewer about the content. In other words, warn the reader if there are “girl parts.”

You know what? No. Fuck you. You warn for things that might trigger your audience: underaged sex, abuse, graphic violence, dubcon/non-con/rape fantasy or roleplay, and character death. (And let me go to say this is a fanfic convention, not a publishing convention, because do you think people who write mysteries, or war stories, or horror stories warn for shit like that? Hell no. But the new wave of small-press genre publishing, which is largely frequented by people who got their start in fandom, do warn for stuff that like.) These things are warned about as a courtesy, not because the author and/or publisher has any moral or ethical obligation to telegraph their punches by telling readers and reviewers in advance what is going to happen.

These things that are traditionally warned about all have one commonality: they can be shocking and/or traumatic, particularly someone with PTSD triggers.

Since when is pussy considered triggering? (spoiler alert: it’s not, this basically all boils down to “eww, girl parts” with a dash of “I don’t find that personally titillating so I don’t want to read it.”)

In either the post or a comment responding to it, someone said the audience has a “right” to know. I think this person has a mistaken concept of what “rights” are. When you buy a book, you have a “right” to exactly one thing: the book you bought. Doesn’t matter what’s in it. You pays your money, you takes your chances. You have a right to dislike the book, but you don’t have a right to demand the author to write something different if you don’t like it. And you certainly don’t have the right to demand that author spoil major events of the book and plot by announcing them in advance.

So, here is fair warning about what I will issue warning for: underage sexual activity whether it’s consensual or not, domestic abuse whether physical or emotional, dubcon/non con (and I’ll even throw in consensual non-consent, i.e. fantasy role play about forced-sex scenarios), graphic violence, and maaaaaybe, if it doesn’t spoil the whole book too badly, major character death.

I will not warn about the death of secondary characters, minor violence, or activities where all parties are consenting and of-age, even if those activities are things that aren’t everyone’s cuppa, like BDSM and “eww girl parts.”

There. Caveat Emptor. Consider yourself warned.


Filed under Musings, Politics

Personal ramblings: Mercury retrograde? Or just enough is enough?

The last six months–well, nine, really–have been challenging for me on the interpersonal front.

First things first. I’m a Libra. I like harmony. I go to great lengths to keep from making waves. But then, I also like balance, and when things become intolerably imbalanced, I will make BIG FUCKING WAVES. And hate every minute of it and alienate people in the process. It’s not pretty.

The pattern of my life for the last nine months largely revolves around people not keeping commitments to me. They will offer to do something and then just appear to forget, or disappear entirely for weeks or months at a time.

People have offered to beta read for me, then never responded after I sent them my story. People have offered to help me brainstorm, then never responded when I detailed my plot for them and pointed out where I am having issues. People have offered to answer questions I need for research for a story and then never responded. People have agreed to have discussions we need to have and then never brought the subject up again when the next chance arose to discuss it. People have told me they would have things done by a certain time and then they don’t.

I did a headcount of situations off the top of my head where I have been left hanging and I estimate that the number of people who haven’t kept their commitments to me in the last nine months outnumber the ones who have by a margin of about 6-to-1.

Six to fucking one. For every six people who tell me they’re going to do something, only one carries through in a remotely timely manner (and that is if I’m being generous with the definition of “timely.”)

Now, I am conscientious to a fault. When I agree to do something for someone, I am ALL OVER THAT SHIT. I drop everything, I get it done, because I hate to leave people hanging. And why do I hate to leave people hanging? Golden rule, baby. Because I don’t want to be left hanging. Because being left hanging sucks. And it feels awful. It makes me feel unimportant and unappreciated and taken advantage of and like I’m a frickin’ doormat.

Inevitably, my choices are to either nudge the person in question or let it go.

If I let it go, not only do I not get what I was promised, but I feel resentful. Then I feel guilty because I wonder if I’m being unreasonable to expect people to carry through when they say they will. I mean, people are busy, right? Shit comes up. I must be an ungrateful brat if I expect them to drop everything and deal with my issue because I’m not that important and they have better things to worry about and really I just need to get over myself. Right? If I feel resentful, I’m an awful, selfish, ungrateful person who had no business expecting someone to keep their freely-given, often unsolicited, commitment to begin with.

The other option is to nudge the person and try to remind them of their commitment. Which I admit I don’t do often because I wonder what right I have to ask anything of anyone else when they have their own lives and own shit and see the latter 3/4 of the last paragraph. Nudging makes me feel just as guilty as being quietly resentful does. But sometimes it gets things done. Sometimes. Sometimes I just have to deal with them APOLOGIZING and knowing that I made them feel bad about it, so I hasten to reassure that it’s not their fault and I understand and recognize that they’re doing me a favor and that I’m not really all that important in the great scheme of things because I don’t want to be an awful person and I don’t want them to feel bad about themselves.

At any rate, I feel like I’m on the verge of a major social meltdown where I just explode all over everyone about this stuff and that isn’t good. At all. The other option is just to give up and withdraw from people altogether and that isn’t good, either.

Ugh. Imbalance everywhere. What’s a beleaguered Libra to do? It would be one thing if it were just one or two people, but it’s on nearly every single front in my life.

So tired of it. So tired.

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Filed under Musings

Reality 301 with @heidicullinan

I’ve been spluttering indignantly over Ms. Grey’s post for hours now. Her implications were 1) that erotica is trash and not art, 2) that erotica authors are sellouts with no artistic integrity, and 3) that erotica readers are simpletons who only want an easy read and can’t appreciate “true” art. It smacks of sour-grapes entitlement and it’s offensive to any of us who have found our artistic expression within writing and reading erotica.

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